Two Thousand and Nine...

2009

Thoughts mix up when I wait tonight,

as the two hands are about to hold each other tight...

mine in aspiration,

and the clock's in sight.

I know not if the glass is half filled,

or its just half empty...

the reality is chilled,

but opportunities are plenty!

It feels good not be in a party tonight,

as the coziness of my couch greets me...

cos martyrs went down in the fight,

may their souls fly free.

Let's embrace the new year in peace,

hoping things would be fine...

with a cheer in our heart,

say hello to two thousand and nine.

Happy New Year!

I am on a...

I'm on a...

A plank in the wake of a storm,

been thrown off blow by blow...

will the sun shine again and the sea be calm?

the answer, I don't know...

The storm wasn't alone,

they came in a row...

it's like you burn your hands with the oven

and then have a frost-bite in the snow...

I'm being pulled by strings,

their ends are in the grey...

should I just break off,

or be a puppet and obey?

I need a leap,

to take me far and away...

start things afresh,

like a bright sunny day...

It's time now to conserve,

the courage to be mustered...

for the leap will take effort

and thoughts to be clustered...

The leap will come, it has to!

and the day is near...

to lead me to an island

where the waters are clear...

I look out for that day,

and wait for the reform...

till then...

I'm on a... A plank in the wake of a storm.

Religion: the ab initio way

It's not difficult to imagine the possibility of us being in a matrix executing pre-programmed code and hardly ever realizing it. It's tough to be Neo. That's why he is the only oNe. The reason I believe its not difficult to imagine a matrix is the fact that I can see a multitude of live experiences from my own and many of your lives which provide substantial evidence.

We are born with a code and as we move on more code is added, sometimes explicitly while sometimes in a subtle manner. Although there are multiple evidences to show that we follow a code; some consequential, some not so much so, the most fundamental one that strikes me is religion.

I was so influenced by the pre-programmed code that it took me 25yrs to even think that their could be something beyond it. I asked myself the other day: Why do I belong to a religion that I didn't choose but the one which I inherited it from my parents? They in turn inherited it from their parents and going further we would be down a trail with an untraceable source.

An even more fundamental question to be answered is: Why do we need religion in the first place? There could be as many answers to this as the number of Sudoku puzzles possible but here is the way I think about it: Religion to me is a means to avoid burdening ourselves with the responsibility of all events in this universe. Someone who takes the responsibility of all events in space and time is God according to me. Since I am neither capable of nor willing to taking this unsurmountable responsibility, I need a religion. It is a means of setting extermal expectations from me at par with my self-perceived capabilities. Many of us could potentially have the same answer to this question.

Having answered (or attempted, at least) the most fundamental question about religion, it's time to come back to the first question that came up: Why do I belong to a religion that I did not choose? There could be several ways of thinking about this too and the way I think about this relates to my definition of God. Since it is about shedding away responsibility from ourselves to something extra-personal about which we dont know much when we start our lives, the natural choice is to go for the 'tried-and-tested' option, namely the one our lineage has been faithful to. This, although very convenient is far away from the natural process of making a well-informed choice. A well-informed choice is made when all possible (or known) options are idenfitied, analysed, criticised and finally compared. The final step ofcourse requires a set of metrics which ,to a great extent are personal.

In an ideal world conducive for natural choice, one would come into this world untagged and choose his/her religion based on a well-informed natural choice process, comparing option based on personal metrics and making a choice finally. But someone who is in the mode of challenging underlying assumptions (like I am right now) would be tempted to question whether it is necessary to finally make a choice at all. Why can't one have a platter instead, or more interestingly come up with a new choice of his/her own?

This leads me into a set of thoughts which seem to be natural to me but due to my ignorance of the subtleties of various religions out there do not seem to fall into any particular basket. The thoughts are related to the way I was led into defining God. It is my sheer incapability and unwillingness to take responsibility of all events in the universe that leads me to think there is God or more aptly put, there is a need of defining God. Once this need is identified, one tries to address it and that's what I have tried to put in words here. Now since it is a matter of responsibility, there lies a spectrum of possibilities out there. On one end of the spectrum is God himself/herself who takes all responsibility and on the other lies someone who assumes all responsibility to be outsourced to God. Most of us fall somewhere in between and life is a journey intended to travese different paths on this spectrum. A thought that really struck resonance in me came from the book "Man's search for meaning" by Viktor Frankl. It says its not happiness that we search for in life but its meaning that we search. It advocates life as a source of opportunity to look for meaning of events in this universe (more specifically events that seem to affect us). In this context, different people can have different definitions of 'meaning' but to me, its about attempting to traverse the spectrum towards increased self-responsibility.

Now that's the stem of the tree and naturally there exist many branches to be explored. One of particular interest to me (and probably to a lot of people) is the one that relates to happiness and regret. Once it is accepted that all responsibility of events in space and time does not lie on our shoulders, a constant state of regret can be avoided. There are things we have control on (for which we should take up the responsibility) and there are things which we cannot control (for which we outsource responsibility). Take an event that occured in the past and upon analyzing it, if it is realised that things potentially under our control went wrong, a regret sets in. If it turns out that things were not in our control anyways, there is no sense of regret. However, the perception of what is infact in our control and what is not itself is grey and fuzzy. And the search for meaning is to be able to minimize this fuzziness.

It would be quite interesting to think about and explore other branches of the tree but right now the search for meaning ends at the professional responsibility I am supposed to assume at this desk :)

Cognitive Contraptions

Read this a few days back on the back of an auto: 'Thinking is solution and too much thinking is pollution"

I must say I either don't agree or I don't understand this fully. Its probably more the former since I have come to realize it's in my nature. Actually, it would be better put if I say I don't want to agree to it since if I do, I would end up in an internal psychological inconsistency.

In retrospect, when I wrote 'Straight from the Heart' it was with great conviction that the words spurted out of the keyboard. You believe in something and wish to stand by it. People don't think the same sometimes (or rather most of the times) and in ways more than one, you start to realize differences in ideas. You try to stand by yours and people try to do the same. What follows is a state of flux in which your thoughts mix with those of the external world and create a vortex that sucks your emotional and psychological energy.

One can save himself of this vortex by just shutting off the flux. But along with the shutting off comes a feeling of ignorance towards extra-personal wisdom. A potential regret thought captures the mind and creates a vortex of its own.

One way or the other, you end up in it and your constant effort gets utilized towards getting out of it or more aptly over-powering it. If you do happen to over-power it, one ego would surely be happy at the cost of the happiness of others. If you do happen to find a middle ground, its a win-win situation - must say quite rare!

These thoughts are after all coming out of a vortexed mind and hence are heavily biased by the current state of flux and it might so appear to the reader that they aren't leading anywhere. It's probably true. It's not the intention. It's a catharsis, a sink for the flux which is an effort to get out of the vortex.

The only thing I like about the current post so far is the title. It would hopefully help justify the rubbish-ness of the words above. And its finally going to be the only thing I like in the whole post.

Bifurcations...

Life's complex, a chaos;

you can't say no;

There's bifurcations everywhere,

and one's just shown up, before you know!

A path you chose,

is right no matter what;

if you can turn back and say,

I knew why I did that!

Find what you want,

and there'll be light;

and even if too far,

the goal will be in sight.

but paths cross,

and change your ways;

altering the balance,

in which your conscience weighs.

Ride the wave, enjoy the flow;

picking up things as you go;

you make this a better place,

if you share what you know...

you share what you know.

Time Sheet...

A new year began,

and brought me to Japan;

helpful people and technology all around,

and not even a speck of dust to be found!

On the way back to Bangalore,

had a chance to step on Thai floor;

Interestingly, the port's called Suvarnabhumi,

must say, it's mighty roomy!

January's special in its own way,

cause it brings some dear ones their b'day;

oh, and went to Mysore the other day,

had some great food on the way!

February's just round the corner,

and the days are getting warmer;

strings and percussion clubbed,

the acoustechies will perform unplugged :)

Years gone by...

Welcome to the new year! Each new year brings with it wishes from friends & folks blessing us with something nice in the coming year. That's the convention and they are probably right in saying that one has to look forward in life and embrace the present with full energy and enthusiasm. However, I realized that a walk back in time can be as eventful, exciting and more importantly very fruitful.

Looking back:
19 yrs back I met my best friend in life!
17 yrs ago I had my first trip abroad :)
13 yrs since my first roller-coaster ride :D
10 yrs passed from the time I had my first crush ;)
7 yrs since I first strummed the guitar :)
3 yrs back I stepped into the best campus in this world!
1.5 yrs since my first job :)
1 yr since my first blog :)
6 months since I first climbed rock!
1 month since I became an uncle :)
10 days since I wrote poetry :D
1 day since I partied last
and no time since I published this :)...

ok, so here it goes!

Happy New Year!